Bye Bye Hair

I’ve had a fair share of hypothetical weight lifted off my shoulders in the past 10-12 days. Between Riley’s chemotherapy coming to a close and the transplant we have been waiting for since day 1 taking place the load seemed a little lighter. I actually felt as though I was shot to the surface of the reality I’ve been drowning in for months…I took the deepest breath imaginable and settled back in to holding it. My next breath will come with counts, her counts will go up as will I.

In keeping with the spirit of “lightening” I decided to lift some physical weight from my shoulders and voile…OFF with my hair. I am going to go ahead and assume that Riley will forgive me for not shaving my head bald in solidarity of her hair loss. However, if and when she’s able to argue that assumption and chooses to I am happy to hand her the clippers and off it all goes, that’s a promise baby girl.  My only request to my hairdresser (who happens to be my Mama) was this “put a rubber band at 8 inches and lop it off for donation” Every morning I wake up, pull my long locks into a messy bun and call it a day. Now that the majority of my days are spent here, here in this place where kiddos with hair are scarce I am sure you see letting go of it was not hard. It wasn’t really much of a question. That sorry excuse of an updo was doing no one any favors sitting on top of my head but the fact that there are organizations out there that can turn my mane into a wig for a child is remarkable.
These kids are real…their loss is realer than anything you can imagine. Those commercials that you have a hard time watching because seeing the affects of chemo on children is too painful…those aren’t commercials for me and the others who happen to call a hospital “home”. That’s our lives, those are our children. Many babies are born bald but mine wasn’t, many babies lose their hair “just because” but mine didn’t. Her hair is gone because of chemotherapy. Every day a little more is on her blankets and it shows the true signs of what coursed through her tiny body. Seeing illness and treatment take those physical tolls on your child is excrutiating no matter the age. On a positive, I feel so fortunate that even though my little Riley is losing the hair she was born with she does not feel that loss the way an older child does. With that being said…for anyone out there who has ever donated…thank you, for anyone who has ever considered donating…please do it.


P.S. Riley…your Daddy did buzz it all off for you and while that may not seem like a big deal seeing as he’s a guy and all…for those of you who know Chris…long hair is just kinda his thing. He’s now got a bit of an Adam Levine look going on which I might add- does not suck 😉

Here are a few links to organizations should anyone feel up to a “new-do” anytime soon ;)xoxo

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you

Quick little blurb for everyone out there who reads the news on a regular basis because y’all have probably all lost faith in humanity. I know I had a bit before all this happened. But let me tell you, people are amazing. All three of these things happened to me today, not this week…today.

Numero uno…A girlfriend I have known since elementary school took time out of her morning to make a 3 hour round trip to visit us…yeah yeah she’s a friend, I’m delightful and Riley is adorable so that alone may not seem like a big deal to some but it is. It is a big deal. Seeing a familiar face that’s not dressed in scrubs (no offense to my lovely nurse pals) is amazing. On top of that she came bearing gifts…wine (which I plan to drink in my ante room tonight), face cream (she’s an esthetician and lord knows hospital air is doing my skin no favors) and some all natural baby wash/balm for Riley (her bottom appreciates you). Thank you, thank you, thank you Kelsey.

cuddlin' with kelso
Numero deux…A woman I have met only once but share HUGE common ground with in the form of SCID called up to my room today. She was downstairs with her son (who I believe is 9 or maybe 11,  I can’t remember now) for his monthly infusion and just wanted to know if I needed anything. Coffee, Jamba Juice, anything. I didn’t but I also didn’t realize that I needed her call. It was nice to small talk to someone who has been through it…especially someone who went through it long ago…it reminds me that there is light at the end of this tunnel. Sometimes I think I don’t need that reminder but I do and thank you Lynette for giving it to me. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

Coming in third which by the way does not mean last (simply just the order of events) is a big ol goody bag packed by a stranger but delivered by my dear friend and fellow SCID mom Kate. Her girlfriend put together matching giftbags for us both…makes sense to do for Kate but for me? She has never even met me. I didn’t know what to say. I then opened it and thought maybe this chick DOES know me?! It’s contents you ask? Two bottles of wine, a 12 pack of beer, frozen margarita mix, cheese and crackers. Girl knows there will be days when I need a drink and made it her mission to make sure I had poisons to pick from. Thank you Shannon, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

now that's one helluva goodie bag!
now that’s one helluva goodie bag!

People ask me all the time how I am getting through this and I just gave you 3 examples…and no it’s not the alcohol options I am now brimming with (though that helps). It’s the kindness, it’s the thoughtfulness and the it’s collective efforts of old friends, new friends and strangers.