I’ve had a fair share of hypothetical weight lifted off my shoulders in the past 10-12 days. Between Riley’s chemotherapy coming to a close and the transplant we have been waiting for since day 1 taking place the load seemed a little lighter. I actually felt as though I was shot to the surface of the reality I’ve been drowning in for months…I took the deepest breath imaginable and settled back in to holding it. My next breath will come with counts, her counts will go up as will I.
In keeping with the spirit of “lightening” I decided to lift some physical weight from my shoulders and voile…OFF with my hair. I am going to go ahead and assume that Riley will forgive me for not shaving my head bald in solidarity of her hair loss. However, if and when she’s able to argue that assumption and chooses to I am happy to hand her the clippers and off it all goes, that’s a promise baby girl. My only request to my hairdresser (who happens to be my Mama) was this “put a rubber band at 8 inches and lop it off for donation” Every morning I wake up, pull my long locks into a messy bun and call it a day. Now that the majority of my days are spent here, here in this place where kiddos with hair are scarce I am sure you see letting go of it was not hard. It wasn’t really much of a question. That sorry excuse of an updo was doing no one any favors sitting on top of my head but the fact that there are organizations out there that can turn my mane into a wig for a child is remarkable.
These kids are real…their loss is realer than anything you can imagine. Those commercials that you have a hard time watching because seeing the affects of chemo on children is too painful…those aren’t commercials for me and the others who happen to call a hospital “home”. That’s our lives, those are our children. Many babies are born bald but mine wasn’t, many babies lose their hair “just because” but mine didn’t. Her hair is gone because of chemotherapy. Every day a little more is on her blankets and it shows the true signs of what coursed through her tiny body. Seeing illness and treatment take those physical tolls on your child is excrutiating no matter the age. On a positive, I feel so fortunate that even though my little Riley is losing the hair she was born with she does not feel that loss the way an older child does. With that being said…for anyone out there who has ever donated…thank you, for anyone who has ever considered donating…please do it.
P.S. Riley…your Daddy did buzz it all off for you and while that may not seem like a big deal seeing as he’s a guy and all…for those of you who know Chris…long hair is just kinda his thing. He’s now got a bit of an Adam Levine look going on which I might add- does not suck 😉
Here are a few links to organizations should anyone feel up to a “new-do” anytime soon ;)xoxo