I got back to UCSF today after a weekend at home with Presley and was looking forward to writing an update that went something like this…”Riley has done great since transplant…so far everything is going amazingly smooth…yada yada yada…” That entry was true up until about 11:30 this morning…then her heart rate went up and here came the fever. Nurses and doctors immediately began scrambling…tests, cultures, antibiotics, blood pressure, monitors…the works. Riley and I decided to take the stance of “cool and calm” she danced around in her crib as if she spiked that fever simply to see how quickly she could make the staff move and I stood by doing my best impersonation of “collected”. Within minutes labs were drawn, within the hour she’d been loaded up with 3 different antibiotics and 2 hours later she was sound asleep. She crashed around 2:30 and when she woke up at 5:00 I just knew, something was off. Here’s the tricky thing about Riley…she doesn’t cry, she doesn’t fuss but the girl can give you a look…a look that just says “I’m miserable” and while I thought I’d seen that look before, todays was different. Eating has never been an issue for her but she begrudgingly drank a mere 2 ounces and then just molded to my chest, eyes glazed over and bottom lip pouted just enough to tip the scale from “cute” to “sad”. I called the nurse and told them that she was very uncomfortable and that I was concerned…I think they were a bit skeptical at my observation but I respectfully explained that she is not a crier and not to falsely assess her discomfort by the lack of tears. The initial response from a nurses assistant (whom I might add thinks her title of PCA holds a bit more clout than reality dictates) was “I’m thinking she’s just a bit spoiled from grandma holding her so much this weekend…” Ummm…no…sorry there sweet cheeks, she may be your “patient” but she is MY daughter and her discomfort isn’t due to an overload of what I refer to as LOVE. Riley has been left with her grandmas (yeah she’s got several) almost every weekend for the past 2 months and yes I guarantee they hold her more often than not but guess what…they’re grandmas, that’s what they do and it’s not hurting a damn thing. Being pressed up against positive energy is not the cause of her pout. I damn near bit my tounge clear off and just casually said “Ya, I wish being spoiled was the problem but I’m gunna go with it’s more likely the SCID, chemo, bone marrow transplant or fever that’s the issue.” My sweet sarcasm shockingly was not lost on her and she scampered out the the room feeling maybe a tad silly. Five minutes later when Riley explosively puked ALL over herself, myself and the surrounding areas I must say it did my little black heart good to hear the nurse page that same PCA…”I need you in 735, we have a major vomit situation for you.” Whoops. I’ll raise your medically irrelevant opinion of “over-cuddling” with a “clean up on aisle 5”. Annnnd…that round went to Riley. Ok, ok enough of me being snotty. Really we have been fortunate with the care we receive here, today I believe we were just meant to teach someone a lesson…one of my favorite lessons…the classic “probably shoulda kept that thought to yourself,huh?”
After a quick bath Riley decided she’d seen enough excitement (as well as felt quite a bit better after unloading her last feeding) and went right back off to sleep. She took about an hour nap but definitely did not wake up with her usual spunk. I think the dreaded mouth sores that Chemotherapy often brings is hitting our little girl and toning down her enthusiasm. She managed to quickly drink 3 ounces (a less than normal amount for her) before what seemed like forcing herself to go back to sleep and avoid the discomfort. Poor. Thing. I’m hoping that she can manage to just stay asleep and miss out on as much of the pain as possible.
All along even though she has been seemingly unphased by everything thrown her way I have been preparing myself for days like this, days when it becomes all too obvious that my baby is sick. Her ANC (absolute neutrophil count) bottomed out at 0 today meaning the chemotherapy has done it’s job, any and all immunity she had is gone. Her feeling so crummy is right on time. Now we just need to focus on keeping her comfortable and cross our fingers, toes and all other appropriate appendages in hopes that those counts begin to rise and rise quick.
Loads, loads, loads of positive thoughts and all other means of happy juju are needed and appreciated. Thank you all. xoxo
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