Today is the day. I am sure you can imagine that a whirlwind of emotions have been flooding me over the past 24 hours, I’m usually one to keep it together, it’s been a while since a tear escaped but last night I had a bit of a cry fest. I think it all just hit me…I was still in pain from the shots, uncomfortable from the apherisis procedure, amazed at Riley’s happy spirit, and then excited/scared/worried/anxious about the coming day…big ball of emotions. Solution…stood in my ante room, had potato chips and chocolate cake for dinner washed down by a big glass (and by glass I mean plastic cup) of cheap twist top merlot and put my ass to bed. Take THAT tears.
Yesterday morning I got my last shot and then went in the for the collection process, Chris was here with me anxiously bouncing away. They needed me to be very warm to help with the blood flow so they lined my back with hot packs and covered me in piles of warm blankets…so far it kinda felt like a spa day. Then she came out with the steel catheter…nevermind…this spa sucks. The steel line was to be placed in my left arm and the blood would flow out of me and then into the centrifuge where the cells would be seperated. They pulled out what they call the buffy coat which contains mostly white blood cells and platelets and is what will be T-cell depleted and given to Riley. They also collected plasma which I guess is essentially food for the cells they will be transplanting. Everything else made its way through a series of tubes and back into my right arm. They had hoped to place a standard line in that arm so that I would be able to move it during the procedure but according to the nurse “you have got some thick skin girl”…damn straight 😉 After 2 failed attempts…steel catheter it was. Bummer…I wouldn’t be able to move either arm for almost 5 hours. Lucky for me I had Chris, the best nose scratchin, pretzel feeding, jamba juice servin support system imaginable.
The night before the apherisis I had a nurse who was training and so she had someone shadowing her. Generally in that situation the shadow knows what they are doing…she did not. A clueless pair. I have been here two months and recieved AMAZING care from every nurse that stepped through the door…these two were just a mess. I maybe got a combined hour and a halfs sleep courtesy of their bedside manner and was wide awake from 4 a.m. until I had to leave for my shot at 6:45. Sidenote to any of you nurses out there…please do not say “Oh my goodness she has just the most beautiful hair” over and over to a chemo baby…maybe compliment the little cutie on something she gets to keep….smile, eyes, anything. Grrrr. When Chris got here to meet me I was so upset, so frustrated that I hadn’t gotten any sleep. I was tired. I’m always tired but I was like class A wiped OUT. My upbeat and positive attitude was exhausted and the way things were going it was planning to take the whole damn day off. Looking back on it today I find myself being grateful for my sleepness night. Crazy, right? Well honestly if it wasn’t for Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum I would not have been SO exhausted that I was able to sleep through the majority of the apherisis. which isn’t exactly a comfortable process. Four and a half hours of looking like a vampires dream and I was done, they had proccessed 18 liters of my blood and swiped 220cc’s of the goodness that is to be Rileys transplant. Huh. Weird. Amazing.
So here we are…transplant day. October 9th…exactly 2 months after we arrived here at UCSF. This is the day we have been waiting for, this is the day that her little system resets, this is the day that marks another new beginning for us. I am a bundle of nerves, this has to work…it just has to. I know it will but I need everyone and their mother behind me today knowing it will too. 🙂
The nurses are AMAZED that Riley handled the last round of chemo reaction free…apparently that just doesn’t happen. But it did and I know now more than ever that she can handle anything we throw her way. She enjoyed her day of rest yesterday, slept great last night and woke up ALL smiles this morning. She is ready. Bring it on transplant!
As always thank you so much for the support. xoxo
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