Chemo…Day One

Little Riley started her chemotherapy today in preparation for transplant on the 9th. All day I’ve thought about her birth…the contractions at home, the ride to the hospital, the excrutiating pain and then the sheer bliss. It was the single most painful yet magical moment of my life. Holding her this afternoon as the chemo made its way through the cords covering her little body I closed my eyes so tightly I could almost feel what it was like holding her for the first time. Ten fingers, ten toes, no complications…she was perfect. I had no idea what was to come and I wouldn’t for weeks. For 3 short weeks I had everything, I had 2 beautiful healthy daughters and they were both more than I ever could have hoped for. SCID turned my dream life into every mothers nightmare. I long for those moments back. To clarify…that same little baby is STILL perfect, the blip in her genes does not change her perfection…she is perfectly Riley. For whatever reason this happened, for however long this is her life and while I could have never expected that this would be the life I would bring into the world, I did and I am so lucky she’s mine. I am so lucky I get to guide her through this, so lucky I get to love her deeper than I ever thought possible, so lucky I get to be her Mom.Image

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